Stupid Things I Do

  1. Stay up ridiculously late just because my kids went to sleep and I can because I am an adult, darn it!
  2. Auto-answer kids when I am distracted and have to rescind my permission.
  3. Tell other people’s kids their brains will leak out of their ears if they keep doing whatever naughty thing they were doing.
  4. Tell my kids they cannot have candy because I am secretly saving it for myself to eat after they go to bed.
  5. Keep the kids current with all the office gossip.
  6. Wait 10 minutes in the drive through line at McDonalds to get one large coke to go with a meal from some place else. 
  7. Stand 2 feet in front of the TV with the remote control in my hand for 20 minutes. No, wait-just five more minutes. Uh, no… umm it’s almost over. I’ll turn it off and do my chores after that. 
  8. Forget laundry in the washer for 2 days. Ugh, so stink. 
  9. Insert a contact in my eye on top of another contact.
  10. Stare at my children blankly as I forget what I was saying … mid-sentence.
  11. Bang my head on the car door frame 4 times in one day while reaching in to get my kid and out five hundred thousand things out.
  12. Forget my kid sitting on the toilet.
  13. Forget to search for the last kid in Hide ‘n Seek.
  14. Fart right before someone comes in the room.
  15. Trip when I walk past any group of people.

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